GOLDEN BOY

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An Excerpt From: GOLDEN BOY

Copyright © CLAIRE THOMPSON, 2006.

All Rights Reserved, Ellora's Cave Publishing, Inc.

  "So tell me, when did you first figure out you were gay?"

Johnny coughed a little into his port and said, "Excuse me?"

Eric laughed. "Hey, it's what I do. I'm a psychologist-I have a sense about these things. It's pretty clear, even if I wasn't trained to pick up signals, you're struggling with something new, and that something is your sexual orientation. Am I right?"

Johnny looked away, but then back at Eric. Slowly he nodded. "You are right. I'm.I'm gay."

"That's still a hard thing for you to say, to admit aloud." Eric's voice was gentle.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. I've been thinking it for a while now, though. First it totally freaked me out, you know? The Wilsons are not homos." He grinned apologetically.

"You mean the Wilsons don't admit they're homos," Eric laughed.

"Yeah. Not an option. Nothing touchy-feely is an option, unless you're female. Even then, watch out if you're too emotional. We Wilsons suck it up and take it like men."

Eric nodded slowly. "Nothing wrong with taking it. In the right circumstances." He turned his piercing gaze on Johnny and Johnny felt himself flushing, though he wasn't exactly sure what Eric was getting at.

"Let's move over here to the couch, how 'bout?" Eric said, as he stood up from his chair. Johnny stood as well and together they sat down, Eric leaning back, Johnny again perched on the edge of a cushion, as if he would bolt at a second's notice.

"So tell me about it, Johnny. How did a hot, sexy man like you get all the way into his twenties without knowing you were gay?"

Johnny looked down into his wine and answered slowly. "I guess I did know it." Eric stayed quiet and Johnny went on. "I mean, I knew something was wrong. Something was different. I've never been able to connect. Yes, that's the word, to connect with women. I can appreciate their beauty, the beauty of a female form, and I didn't even mind the sex, per se." He smiled a little, thinking this must sound strange, though maybe not to Eric. "It was just, I don't know, it didn't thrill me. It didn't make my heart pound or my blood heat. I had to imagine stuff. You know, try to get myself hard so I could have sex with them. It was almost like a chore. I always ended up feeling cheated and feeling like a failure."

He looked imploringly at Eric for acceptance, for understanding. "It sounds hard," Eric said. "To go through your life like that, thinking you were broken."

"Broken! Yes! That's exactly the word I've used in my head. And now to find out maybe I'm not broken. Not fucked up! I was just looking in the wrong place! Because when I saw you." he paused and bit his lip, feeling suddenly shy. "Well, I've seen good-looking guys before, of course. And I'll even admit they've made me hot, made me hard. But I was always able to chalk it up to envy. I would say to myself, 'Man, if I only looked like him, then I'd feel sexy and all the babes would want me and I'd want them.' But I was fooling myself. I know that now."

"You sure were, Johnny. Because you are so hot I need an ice bath 'bout now!" Eric laughed, and Johnny laughed too, pleased. He leaned back, putting his legs out, uncoiling at last.

"Well, thanks. But, Eric, when I saw you, something clicked inside of me. Like this switch went on and I was suddenly aware. I know that sounds so weird! To go twenty-four years without even knowing who I was! Have you ever heard of a such a thing! I never thought of myself as stupid but, Jesus, how dumb can you get?"

"It's not stupid at all. You'd be amazed how many people go through their whole lives never connecting with who they really are. Never exploiting their own potential in so many ways. Really, Johnny, I wouldn't spend another second beating myself up about this. What's really exciting, what you should focus on, is the fact that now you've come alive! You're awake and aware. You're ready to begin your new life."

"That's just what I was thinking earlier! It's like you're tapped into my head somehow. I like it, but it makes me a little nervous too." Johnny grinned.

"Oh don't be nervous. If I'm tapped into you, it's only because you are tapped into me too. There's something between us. We both felt it from the moment we saw each other. I have to tell you, Johnny. For me it isn't usually like this. I 'play the field', if you will. I select the one I want, I go after him and I get him. I use him 'til I tire of him and then it's over. I know that sounds cold, but you'll find in the gay scene things are often like that. Men even expect it of one another.

"Which isn't to say there isn't romance and true love too. Sure there is. But it's not such a focus for most guys. We're more into the sex, I guess."

Eric smiled and Johnny laughed. "That's no different from straight men, trust me! We." he paused, and amended, "I mean, they , just have to do the lovey-dovey stuff to get the girl! It's the women who want all the flowers and candy crap."

Eric laughed too. "Well, I don't know. A little romance is very sexy too, in the right circumstance. I'm just saying I haven't found the right guy. At least, I hadn't until now."

He said the last words softly, almost tentatively, as if afraid Johnny might rebuff him. Johnny didn't reply, feeling his mouth suddenly go dry. Eric held out his hand and Johnny handed him his vodka glass. Rick set both glasses on the low, black coffee table in front of them.

Without speaking, they moved closer to one another on the couch, so their thighs were touching. Slowly Eric reached up and stroked Johnny's cheek. Johnny felt dizzy and frightened, but also very aroused. He felt his cock stiffen in his pants and he swallowed, letting his eyes close as Eric continued to stroke his cheek, his other hand resting lightly on Johnny's thigh.

"May I kiss you?"